I sighed to myself and collected her stuff and put them in a box in case she ever did come by to get them. I sat down on my couch and looked around. Lani didn't live with me but she spent the majority of her free time over here with me. The place seemed naked and colorless without her presence. I looked down at the carpet and thought about how we liked to lay under a blanket, watch movies and ate kettle corn. I grabbed one of the throw pillows and sniffed it deeply, taking in her scent from it. She loved to cuddle up with the pillows and she did that many nights when I was out late and didn't come home.It had been a couple of months now. I was so caught up with Lani on my mind that my dick had to give me a wake-up call. A nigga was horny as hell. I had to get back into the game. I forced myself to be convinced that I could recover from this and be okay.That morning, I went online to check out some online sites that were catered towards no-strings relationships. In my present state of. I surrendered in a way that seems logical by definition in its demand that I no longer refer to myself, or even think of myself as, a person. Since I am now an object, chattel of limited value, an animal, I think of myself as an it a thing to be used, or not, by my owners or their agents. By the end of this sentence, I will no longer refer to myself as an I, instead it will refer to itself as just what it is, a thing, and use the proper words to do so. Ahhh. What a relief. To write of itself as other than an it, is stressful, reminding it of the way it used to think when it was a person, and the nightmarish pain that it now associates with the struggle it put up in fighting its surrender. You see, it's not that it lives without pain--on the contrary, it lives with pain every moment of its life. Just that it understands now that pain, abuse, degradation, humiliation, torture, punishment, service, and solitude are the states of existence that it was meant to experience at all.
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